Living On A Prayer
by MollyWollyRose
Summary: When the pushy women in his Bible study decide to find Leah a suitable husband, Jacob thought he was doing her a favor by offering a 'relationship' purely for their benefit. Who'd have thought that Jacob would fall in love?
1. Chapter 1

**Living on a Prayer: When the pushy women in his Bible study decide to find her a suitable husband, he'd thought he was doing her a favor. Who'd have thought that Jacob would fall in love? **

**WARNING: I am in NO WAY poking fun or criticizing religion. I, myself, am the product of both a Catholic (My mom) and Baptist (My dad) upbringing and most likely, a lot of what I put into this new story will be from my own past experiences and my opinions. Plus, I've been turning the idea around in my head for a while and I thought it'd be cool to try out.**

**There's the warning, so anyone who thinks that I don't take this seriously can shit a brick... ;)**

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**Chapter One: Son of a Preacher Man**

**JPOV**

"Okay." I began, opening my Bible to a torn, over-used page. "Let's all open our books to Psalm 19. The lesson this week is on importance of absolving all sins, particularly those pertaining to the Seven Deadly Sins. Before we begin, can anyone list the sins for me?"

Isabella Swan, a matronly women in her early sixties, raised her hand calmly. I nodded in her direction and waited until she stood. "Pride, Envy, Gluttony, Lust, Anger, Greed, and Sloth." She recited, and then sat again.

"Very good, Ms. Swan." I said. "Now, who would like to read this week's verse?" Five hands shot up. I pointed to Jessica Stanley and nodded. She stood and opened her Bible, a little self-righteously, I might add. "Thank you. Lines 13-14, please."

"Keep back Your servant also from presumptuous sins; Let them not have dominion over me. Then I shall be blameless, And I shall be innocent of great transgression. Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart Be acceptable in Your sight, O Lord, my strength and my Redeemer." The ladies in the circle clapped politely as Jessica sat down. I was about to begin the closing prayer when a loud crash interrupted me from behind.

"Goddammit to all hell..." Edward Cullen, the ancient piano player shouted in frustration. The ladies in the circle tittered unhappily and began to scold him for his language.

"We are in a church of God, Edward!" Isabella huffed contemptuously, pouting and glaring at Edward's slightly hunched, but distinguished figure. "It would do you well to remember that."

"Oh... Stuff it, Swan." He retorted, righting the piano bench he had fallen out of. "Can't get any decent sleep around here, with all that praying and chanting going on."

"Now, Edward. You don't mean that..." I said, wincing as the women in the circle started to get angrier. I really needed to keep the peace, or a blood-bath was imminent. Edward was silent and his mouth was twisted into a pinched expression. "Please tell Isabella that you're sorry."

"No."

"Edward..." The product of an English upbringing, Edward was unfailingly polite, but stubborn and set in his own ways. Unfortunately, all pretenses of politeness went out of the window when first awakened and when he encountered Isabella. They really didn't like each other for some reason. His nearly white tousled hair made him look more grumpy than usual.

"Sorry." He mumbled, looking away and settling into the piano bench, probably to reclaim his lost nap. Edward sat, then a couple seconds later, we heard light snoring. I breathed out in relief, happy to have avoided a brawl.

The ladies began to gather their things and gossip with each other. Even though I disapproved of gossiping, there was no better place to hear about what was going on than the ladies of the circle.

"Did you see that whorish tart, Victoria, at the store?" Jessica asked meanly. "Her skirt was up to here and her shirt was just too low-cut. She was canoodling with her delinquent of a boyfriend in the soup aisle. I don't know how her sweet mother deals with her."

Thus began a chorus praises for Victoria's lovely mother. Once it quieted, they began again.

"That's nothing. I saw that Leah Clearwater at the beach with Rosalie Hale. Bikinis ladies! No common decency. It may be a warm summer, but that just crosses the line. There wasn't enough fabric between the two of them to make a shirt for little Marcus..." Jane said, referring to her newborn grandson.

"Oh hush Jane! At least Rosalie is married." Isabella chided gently.

"To a bartender no less!" Jane retorted, then sighed. "But Emmett is really such a sweetheart, though the muscles are such a turn-off. Much too big for my taste."

"And Leah isn't all that bad. She's one of my favorite authors. She writes so beautifully." Angela Weber said softly, walking toward the door with Isabella.

"We need to find Leah a husband." Jessica said fiercely.

"Oh, Jess. It isn't our business." Angela said. "Besides, remember what we were like at that age? We certainly did not want anyone interfering with our love lives."

"I did!" Jane said defensively.

"That doesn't count. You and Aro were crazy about one another even before Isabella introduced you." Jessica said. "So it's decided. We'll find Leah a husband before she's old and washed up."

"Well, that's harsh..." Isabella muttered. "And I don't remember giving my consent for this plan."

"Oh, don't be such a fuddy-duddy, Bella!" She persisted. "It'll be fun. Give us ladies something to do for a change." She finished gathering her things and the group turned to look at me at the piano, gingerly trying to awaken Edward.

"I think he's dead..." I said, poking him slightly.

"No he isn't." Isabella said as she pulled a pack of cookies out of her bag and tossed them to me. "Put those under his nose." They walked out of the church to a chorus of goodbyes. I opened the cookies and put them under his nose, just as Isabella instructed.

Miraculously, Edward's eyes fluttered open and he stared at the cookies, taking on a pitiful look. He gave a sniff.

"You better be willing to share those chocolate-chunk cookies, boy."

I rolled my eyes as I passed him the pack.

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I pulled up into my driveway, smiling when I saw Leah in her yard, watering her rose bushes. She looked up as I drove up and smiled. I got out of the car.

"Howdy neighbor!" She greeted, turning off her hose and coming over to me. Her shiny hair swung gently in the wind, spilling over her shoulders and glinting softly in the rare sunlight. She looked strictly casual as usual: white tank top, plaid button down shirt, jean shorts, and combat boots. "So, how was your Bible study?"

"Same old, same old." I pointed to her laptop, sitting open on the side table near the hammock on her porch. "How's the new book coming?"

"Still got that writers block. I've been playing computer games all day. Did you thank Angela for that delicious cake she sent me?"

"Of course." I said. "And did you tell the guys at the garage to change the alternator, like I said."

"Yup." Then she glanced at her watch. "Oh shoot! I've got to go. I promised I'd meet Rose at the bar."

"Okay then." I said, waving a hand as I walked toward my house. "Tell Emmett I said hey."

"Will do." She closed her laptop and disappeared inside her house, emerging a minute later with her purse and frantically locking her door. I was about to go inside when I turned again.

"Oh, Leah!"

"Yeah?" She said as she threw open her car door. "What's up?"

"Just thought I'd warn you that the ladies have made it their new mission in life to find you a husband." Leah froze.

"Are you serious?"

"As a heart attack. Apparently, they want you to settle and have kids before you're 'old and washed up.'"

"Damn." She sighed. "I can't believe I never saw this coming. Oh well... I knew it was a matter of time before they set their man-hunting sights on me."

"Don't worry. I'll try to talk them out of it next week if it helps." A look of pure relief crossed her face.

"You will?" She breathed gratefully, a bright smile claiming her face. "Thank you so much, Jacob." Her cell phone rang and she rolled her eyes, answering with a sharp greeting.

"I'm on my way, Rose." She said, then closed it. "Thanks again, Jacob. You sure you don't want to come? I'm sure Emmett would like to see you."

"No thank you. I've got some work to do." I opened my door. "But I'll go another time."

"Okay. I'll see you later." She jumped into her car and started it, giving me a thumbs-up before backing out. I watched the sleek black car disappear down the street and smiled.

Little did I know that that rare sunny day would change my life for the better...

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**You know you want to...**


	2. Author's Note: New Story

**This is a sneak peak of my new story! As usual, when something is in my head, I just type it up before I lose it. I decided to give everyone a preview to see how everyone would like it!**

**If you have any other ideas for a good title, I'd really appreciate the insight. This was the best I could come up with. And if I could get an idea of which story y'all would like me to update next (although I have a pretty good idea), you know what to do.**

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Ransom My Heart **

**Sneak Peak**

**JPOV**

The first thing I spied when I woke up was the garish wallpaper of the motel I had checked into the night before. Then, I spied a shadow looming in front of me, blocking the light from the T.V. I heard the low tones of the television, growing louder as I shook away my grogginess. Feeling around under the sheets, I grasped my knife and woke up quickly, the blade springing from it's slot with a quick click of my finger.

"Well good morning to you too..." A familiar, bored voice sounded from in front of me. She turned her head and raised a brow at the knife. "What were you going to do? Slash me to death?"

"I have to be ready for anything in my line of work." I said defensively, running a hand through my hair and closing the knife. "And good morning."

"Whatever. I'm hungry. Would you be a doll and get me something to eat? Preferably something from McDonalds?" She asked, still deadpan. "I'm hungry and 'The View' is about to start."

"Shit. What time is it?" I asked, getting up to walk toward the bathroom.

"You've got eyes. Check for yourself." She retorted, rolling her expressive oval-shaped eyes.

_10:00... We were supposed to be at the jet, like, yesterday... _I thought as she turned the volume up on the T.V. as 'The View' began.

"Well, I'm going to go take a shower. After I finish, we're leaving." I said, authority ringing through my voice.

Authority that was wasted on her.

"Whatever, asshole. As long as I get my Mickey D's, we're good." She said, scowling and tossing back her hair. "Hurry up."

I gritted my teeth and turned around to walk to the bathroom.

"Oh, and Jacob?"

I turned back to gaze at the disheveled beauty tied up to the wooden chair.

"Yes, Leah?"

"You snore like an obese rhino. If you're going to be escorting me to my impending doom for as long as you say, then I advise you work on that or it's going to get ugly." Still utilizing that dead-pan snark, I see. I grit my teeth again and took a deep breath. Instead of responding to her bait like she wanted, I slammed the door to the bathroom. Turning on the water, I gazed at myself in the mirror.

Tense is not usually a word to describe me. Cool, calm, collected, maybe, but never tense. The guy in the mirror looked the exact opposite of that, with mussed up hair, eyes glowing with annoyance, and the posture that rivaled those of the guards at Buckingham Palace.

_This 'nap had better be worth the damn money... _I thought to myself, pulling off my shirt.

From outside, a small condescending laugh sounded from the bedroom...

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